A long, hard week

Maybe it's because Eliza seems to have a cold (hopefully it's just a cold, anyway), and maybe it's because I've been crabby, and maybe it's because the once-promised spring has returned to February-like temperatures, but last week was hard. Last week was screaming and vomiting and runny noses and fatigue and winter coats pulled back out of the closet. But we got through it, maybe a bit worse for wear and further away from carefreedom (I don't care; that's a good made-up word), thanks to a good friend's visit and a bottle of wine and enforced early bedtimes. And, it must be mentioned, a wonderful husband who, when I balk at the possibility of being up in the middle of the night with Eliza, volunteers to sleep in the guest bedroom with the baby monitor. That is a good man, folks.

This blog was started to document our journey to our next baby, but I haven't actually talked about that yet, mostly because there hasn't been a need. I took my first pregnancy test of this cycle today when I woke up to pee at quarter to six this morning, and my result was totally ambiguous. To the untrained eye, it is negative, but to my eye, which has stared at hundreds of pee sticks over my years on my trying to conceive/pregnancy chat board, I see possibility. I know that my particular brand of pee stick has developed a reputation for mind games (First Response Early Response, I have peed on the last of YOU), so I tested again later in the morning with another of the same test. This time, I saw a second line, but no color in it within the time limit, but when I took it upstairs to show Ben, the line had disappeared. So I am in the same place as I was this time yesterday, except that I had not yet peed on $10 worth of merchandise.

I'm going to test again tomorrow, and I hope I'll have a definite answer on a different brand. The waiting is so frustrating. The getting one's hopes up is so frustrating. This is the last time we'll be going down this road, trying to make another baby, and when you have roller coaster days like this you worry that the road will be long.